Social Experiment

I'm not here to knock on my own people, and especially the demographic that I will sooner or later be a part of, but middle-aged korean men (called "ajushi's" in korean) have had the honor of being my worst customers. There was the one gentleman who "ordered" a large cup of ice water, and pulled out his laptop to start typing away. There was the guy who took off his shoes, and enjoyed his coffee barefooted. Gross. That might be fine if you're a gorgeous woman with well-manicured feet, but a 40+ year old man with yellow toenails don't fall into the same category. Then there's my favorite; three ajushi's sharing one latte and camping out for hours. There's just something about three people sharing a hot beverage with dairy in it that I find disconcerting.

And under that context, I now confess that I am currently conducting a small "social experiment".

Question: How do I subconsciously deter a possibly problematic "ajushi" from getting too comfortable at a coffeehouse?

Hypothesis: The subject will feel more inclined to not treat a coffeehouse like his own living room if the music is not according to his taste. 

Procedure: The variable under examination will be music. The music will be presented in such order: 1) Rap music from the 90's (aka Gangsta Rap) 2) Heavy Metal and 3) as a last resort, Ashlee Simpson's "pieces of me" will act as a constant yet subtle reminder that there is a clear difference between enjoying a cup of joe in the privacy of your own home, and enjoying a coffee in public. If the subject does not respond to the music after 10 minutes, a song in the next genre will be played. If (and probably, when) Ashlee Simpson's hit single is played on repeat, it will be more to repel the subject out of the cafe than to remind him to keep his shoes on. 

Results: After one week's worth of data, it is becoming apparent that classifying the music in terms of genre alone is not good enough. 90's rap music is effective, but only when a certain song within the genre is played, i.e. "hit 'em up" by Tupac Shakur,  "ruff riders anthem" by DMX, and "mama said knock you out" by Ladie's Love Cool James (LL Cool J). Heavy Metal-wise, Rob Zombie is very effective. So far, no subject has been able to withstand more than two repeats of Ashlee Simpson, however such effective repellent comes at a high price, as Barista Paul isn't able to wear earplugs to prevent himself from such torture, since he needs his sense of hearing to take orders. 

Conclusion: Two fundamental truths are reinforced: 1) The old-korean man (ajushi) is completely unadaptable, yet can withstand a surprising amount of punishment. And 2) Ashlee Simpson's music, as expected, only gets worse over time.